One slobbery flip flop coming right up, said the Elephant.

By
Lamae

Share it now!The other day, I was writing a story about Thailand (published today on the Huffington Post). It highlights all the many and varied things to do in one of my favorite countries. In writing, I had a heck of a time flitting through my experiences from last year’s trip, and one thing in particular stood out as I pulled from my memory. It was Kamu’s penis. Kamu was roughly 9 feet tall, 10,000 enormous lbs, and he consumed over 300 lbs of food a day. Guiding Kamu’s every ground-shaking step, was elephant keeper Lamae, whose Burmese name translates into moon. Like most people whose jobs in Thailand were to tickle tourists, Lamae spoke a decent amount of English- certainly enough for his epic one-liner, which I will disclose shortly. In the meantime, back to Kamu and the first of two astonishing things about him: again, his penis. When I figuratively say larger than life, I literally mean larger than my leg (and let me just tell you, homegirl’s got some stride). DO YOU SEE THAT THING? The penis, when nature called, came out of thin air and extended all the way to Guam. I guess proportionately, it was

Read more »

Sometimes I feel like a Mommy Blogger

By

Share it now!But I’m definitely not a Mommy Blogger, let alone a mommy. Or even close to a one. I don’t think. I hope. No, definitely not. And maybe you’ve seen this before, but I haven’t and I saw it on a friend’s facebook and I fell in love. So I had to share. Touching words from the mouth of babes. A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, ‘What does love mean?’ The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think: ‘When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love..’ . Rebecca- age 8 ‘When someone loves you, The way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’ . Billy – age 4 ‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’ . Karl – age 5 ‘Love is when you go out to eat and

Read more »

You’re only as good as your last hair cut

By
You’re only as good as your last hair cut

Share it now!I’m always weeks late on any sort of news. Except when it’s of large, global importance, and in such recent case, I’m quick to comment. So today, a single day after the flip-everyones’-world-upside-down news, I comment on Justin Bieber’s new haircut. BowChickaWowWow. Those locks totally scream “I’ve just been in bed doing normal 16-year-old pop star things” and I can only imagine JB’s next big headline “Millions of Teeny Boppers Hospitalized After Justin Bieber-induced Heart Attacks”. Honestly, I started to wish I was still 16 so that I could enjoy the beauty that is JB without reaching creep-status, and then I started to think of a few other reasons I wished I was still 16… …Skin and bones was a reality– so were 2 school cookies daily and late night taco bell weekendly (how are there words hourly, daily, monthly and yearly but not weekendly?) …My expenses were low– that weekendly taco bell run (twice daily school cookies were on the parents) and then whatever new shirt forever 21 was selling for $17.99 …I’ve still yet to feel a greater false sense of adulthood in getting my license (I even made the grown-up decision to get a vanity

Read more »

Ni Hao. Hello. Namaste.

By
Ni Hao. Hello. Namaste.

Share it now!Those are how people say “Hi” in China, India and Nepal, respectively. You’re welcome for the foreign language lesson, but I have to admit, it is for a selfish reason that I offer such forth. And that reason, my friends….I’m going back to ASIA for round two of “Two Girls, One Backpack” (the blog I wrote in my two months of traveling Southeast Asia last year). This time around, though, I’m taking a less busty, and significantly hairier companion than ol Photographer Betty of 2G1B (shown photoshopped right). This time, I’ve got me a man alongside. We leave April 5th for around 8 weeks, and our first stop is Delhi, India. We’ll do the northern part of India, called the “Golden Triangle” before heading to Nepal to hike to Everest Base Camp. Round trip, the hike is 16 days long. This boy alongside (for which I need a clever nickname, suggestions in the comment section are encouraged) is an IronMan, has bicycled across the US and has climbed his fair share (and mine) of mountains. I have an unfrequented gym membership, am pain stricken with shin splints and the farthest height I’ve climbed is up the stadium

Read more »

However homemaker-ish this post is, I am far from a homemaker…

By
However homemaker-ish this post is, I am far from a homemaker…

Share it now!….And not just because I’m 23 and the thought of keeping, let alone making a home is as far out of the question as is keeping a sun tan these Colorado days (today was -11 degrees, but it’s fine because tomorrow will be -18). Anyways, I did bear some semblance to a frustrated homemaker today as I unloaded the dishwasher. I was emptying the silverware bin and I kept putting forks where spoons should go, knives where forks should go and so on. I’ve wondered this a thousand times over…when people load the dishwasher, why don’t they put all forks in one slot, all spoons in another, all knives in another and so on? Then when they unload, they don’t have to spend as much time sorting through everything and having the silverware trip all over each other. I’ve always been baffled by the non-habit, and tonight, over slow-cooked chicken and corn, I asked my roommate her thought on the inefficiency. “Well, when you put spoons all next to each other, they stick to each other and cup each other…you know, they spoon each other.” And gosh it hit me as hard as the snow’s about to

Read more »

Today’s perfect shade is tomorrow’s best memory.

By

Share it now!In my last post, I introduced Lucy – the 10-year-old that I bonded with over a single night of babysitting. I alluded to her saying something at bed time that struck my memory, and I said I’d save that thought for next time. Welcome to next time. So after our evening of sharing hearts, her asking me every question under the sun and her telling me I was her favorite babysitter (not the first time that’s been said…), I tucked Lucy in to bed. On my way out of her room, Lucy called to me. “Hey Stacy…” “Yeah, Luc?” (We were definitely on a nickname basis) “Have a good life.” It wasn’t specifically Déjà Vu, but I knew that wasn’t the first time I’d heard those words in her exact, earnest tone. I tilted my intrigued head and scrunched a baffled brow as I pulled from my memory. My wonder eased into a smile realizing “have a good life” was something I’d said to a friend and written about on my Asia travels way back when (surprisingly a year from last week—time.flies..flipping.fast.). I pulled out some Asian archives, edited slightly and here’s the basic recap: As I hugged

Read more »

Categories

Recent Comments